My Adoption Story: Melissa

My adoption journey began about a decade ago, when I was working as a social worker for the state. I was still in my twenties, but not dating and no prospects. I desperately wanted to have children, and to try to stay calm told myself that it didn’t matter, because if I never married there was always adoption. I saw children in need of forever families on a daily basis. However, there was a problem. I simply did not have an adequate salary to support myself and a child. My solution was to go to law school.

Ironically, I got married while in law school, so the whole impetus for starting no longer existed. My dream to be a mother was still on the forefront of my mind, and we started trying to conceive as soon as I was licensed to practice. Unfortunately, nothing came easy. Months went by and nothing happened. I struggled to remain positive, and finally, the day arrived when I saw the little blue line. I was overjoyed, but heartbreakingly, I miscarried soon after.

The miscarriage threw me in a deep depression, intensified by problems in my marriage. When I became pregnant with my son, Tony, it was completely unexpected. The pregnancy, happily, pulled me out of my depression and forced me to go on with my life. Without doubt, my son is the greatest blessing I had ever received. But very quickly, I found myself raising him on my own.

As time went by, I felt regret and sometimes resentfulness that he was my only child. My mother first brought up the topic of adoption. I quickly dismissed it, saying I couldn’t take care of two children on my own, since I barely had the energy to raise Tony.

But God had a different plan for my life. I no longer feel as I am raising Tony “on my own.” My mother is a HUGE help, as is my father. I live in a wonderful neighborhood with just terrific neighbors. I have met many other moms who have been a big support system for me. I began to realize I could really do this.

Now the question was, not what, but how? I felt strongly that I was being called to adopt. Since I had a 3 year old, I felt uncomfortable adopting an older child from foster care. While I didn’t need a newborn, I wanted my son to be the older child of the two. I contacted some agencies in my area and was flatly told that they didn’t consider single parents for placement.

I heard stories about international adoption, but wasn’t sure it was the right fit for me. When I saw an ad in the paper for an information seminar from an international adoption agency, I decided to attend. After the first hour, they brought in several parents with their children. Most children were from Russia, but there was a beautiful little girl from China who I fell in love with. While my head was not sold on China based solely on that first seminar, I think my heart was.

Over the next several months, I did research, contacted dozens of agencies, and spoke to an untold number of adoptive parents before deciding that yes, China was the right country for me. But I still needed to find an agency currently accepting applicants from singles. The search came full circle when I ended up submitting an application to an agency I discovered early in my research. My application was accepted shortly before the SARS outbreak. It’s been about 14 months since I submitted my application to the agency, and now referrals are nearly here. I’m thrilled to be in this position. It’s been a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change a thing, because this is how I became a mom, and this is how my children found their way to me.

- Melissa